You want me to do what?

I am not a giving person. I never really have been. I don't like this about myself. So, I asked God to help me to be more giving. To just be giving without even thinking about it. I'm slowly getting there.
I tend to think a lot and came to this conclusion. Or many conclusions. If you are a reader of my blog, you may have read that I grew up in not necessarily fortunate environments. I was poor. We didn't have a lot. When I began to make my own money, I went crazy. I made sure that I bought everything I wanted, and it was ALL MINE!!! MINE AND NO ONE ELSE'S. Finally, I was able to have something of my own! But, I started to see that it wasn't a healthy habit. I ignored it for a long time. A couple of years maybe. When my BFF and I first started became friends, she didn't have a job and I would pay for her food ALL THE TIME. I remember exploding one day saying "I'M SICK OF PAYING FOR EVERYONE!!" In reality, she was the only one who I was paying for and I knew it. She just laughed at me. I get embarrassed when I think about that. But hey, I was young and naive. =)
So maybe sometime last year, I started asking God to help me be more giving. My whole life I've been told that in order to give, you must receive back. I do agree that in some aspects, that may be true. Like for example, if you have a credit card, it's nice to have rewards, cash back, or frequent flier miles, ya heard!(I just realized that I don't have credit cards like that. What I am doing with my life?) But most of the time, I just want to be someone that says "Here. You can have it. I don't need it." or "Let me pay for your dinner." or "Let me give you some money." and not expect ANYTHING back. I've felt like a selfish $#@*&!+. I don't like having that mentality. I don't like holding something like that over a person's head. If they are unable to give back to you, then ok. If they are ungrateful to you, then that's another story. I think that as long as that have a grateful attitude towards you, it's all good. I know that God will reward me some way, some day, some how. I see little rewards every now and then that let me know that He's watching. You just have to give without thinking. I've been blessed to have people in my life that I can learn from! Thank you, Lord! =)

To slowly let go of my possessiveness, I started doing:
-Sponsoring my BFF while she's at IHOP(International House of Prayer. Not International House of Pancakes. Although, I would totally support that if she want to a school like that. Pancakes! Hello!). It may not be a lot, but to know that I'm helping her out makes me feel good. I try to add a little extra in there when possible, just cause.
-Give to ministries/organizations with a worthy cause.
-Give myself! My time! when people need me. I never used to be the kind of person that would help somebody move or organize or whatever. Or even offer without being asked! I must be crazy! I would make any and every excuse in the book that I could find.
-Giving away things. Especially those things that I don't really need or use and am just keeping around for the fact I own it. I am a whackadoo.

I'm sure bigger and better things will happen along the way, but I will end with this small example: One of my close BFFs came over yesterday(she inspired me to write this entry) and she forced me to make her coffee. Just kidding. She asked and I said ok. I gave her a travel mug to use since we were planning on going out. My cool looking, blue travel mug (When I buy things, I reach for the blue first since it's my favorite color. Along with teal). So we go out and she's using it and of course I expect her to give it back, right? Right. We were sitting in front of the oh so cozy fireplace at Panera and she says something to the effect of:
"You're gonna give me this mug." Actually, that is probably exactly what she said.
"Um. No I am not."
"Yes you are."
"No. I'm not."
She puts her pouty face on. "Yes, you are. You know you want to."
Seriously, I would have argued with her till kingdom come, but finally I let go and said: "You know what? You can keep it. I hardly ever use it anyway." Which is totally true b/c I am always rushing around like a maniac in the morning and never have time to make coffee. PLUS, it gives me an excuse to buy a fancy new one! LOL.
No, but really, I was happy to give to her. B/c it made her happy. She got to have something shiny(or maybe not so shiny) and new(well, new to her). What are friends for? Maybe someday she will reward me with a fancy new coffee machine. (Hint, hint!)

So all in all, just giving like you don't expect anything back. Like you were gonna die tomorrow. You can't take anything with you. Stop being so selfish. Life is short.