Ever think about it?

If you know anything about me, whether it be that you know me so well you can already finish my sentence, or whether it be so little that you know I love peanut butter and chocolate together(I just told you one thing about me! You can mark that off your list!), you know that I like to shop. I mean, if I let myself, I will rack up and max out the limit on each and every credit card that I own. "What?! You so crazy!" you say? "Oh no, I'm not lying." I say. I usually keep it at $200 or less when I actually decide to buy everything that I like, but if I completely indulged in my love for fashion, I would have to file bankruptcy, for realz. There are times when I do go overboard, but there are times when I pass my favorite stores(a free brownie if you can guess what they are!) and keep passing. I feel an ultimate satisfaction when I can walk by and look and say "I don't need any more clothes. I don't need anymore clothes." Sad thing(could be a good thing too) is that I also feel ultimate satisfaction when I find some really cute clothes(even better when they are on SUPER CLEARANCE!) I try really hard to keep my urges under control. Sometimes it doesn't work. I am a human being. But this got me thinking. Why do I feel the need to have the latest pieces? You could of course say that I just have an innate fashion sense and need to keep up with the times. You could say that I just love the thrill of shopping. You could say that I like to look good. You could probably keep going.......
I think it all comes down to one thing. Are you ready? This is the true confession of Christina Lastnamenoneofyourbusiness. (I feel like I should be saying this in front of a camera with tears streaming down my face.) I grew up poor. At one point and time, my family was below the poverty level. My parents divorced when I was young, which caused my mom to have to raise 3 kids by herself. Thankfully, my grandmother took us in so we had a roof over our heads. I went though years of endless shopping trips to thrift stores(Goodwill, Salvation Army being 2 of the main places), discount clothing stores, and digging for treasures in other peoples' garbage bags of hand me downs. While there is NOTHING wrong with this...I mean shoot, I have NO SHAME in shopping at those places or getting free clothes now that I am an adult...but my point is that there were times when I just wanted to have something new, something that didn't fall apart easily. I knew my mom did the best she could and I'm forever grateful. As soon as I got my first job, my very first paycheck went to clothes. And from then on, I was obsessed. My fashion sense heightened as I went through college and just kept escalating in the years thereafter, meaning that I needed new clothes every season. If you haven't gotten my point yet, it is that b/c I grew up with so little, I felt(and I guess still do feel) the need to try to fill that gap now. The gap of not having much. Now by no means I am thriving with lots of money, but my family is more well off than we were and I am thankful. I guess I can be grateful that I can actually go shopping. And when I am able to bless someone with clothes I don't want or need anymore(one (wo)man's trash is another (wo)man's treasure.), that truly fills the gap, b/c I have been there and I know how exciting it is to get something nice for free. =)