When you are an introvert...

Ever since I was a little girl, I always heard these words: "You are SO quiet." And for the longest, it annoyed the heck out of me. In fact, it still does sometimes. Part of that was because I couldn't actually really understand why I was so quiet. In middle school, I remember making a vow to myself to be louder. And I was. I was proud of myself, but looking back, I realize it wasn't me. You see, I was fashioned to be a thinker, a contemplater(is that even a word?), someone who doesn't always say what she feels(and sometimes, TRUST ME! THAT is a good thing!!!). It took me yeaaaarrrrssssss to finally see this in myself. It wasn't until I was 23 and did an americorp year in DC and was thrown in a house with 4 other people that I didn't know from Adam. It was there that I learned that I am who I am. For so long, I thought "Why can't be more outgoing, more funny, more talkative like so and so? Why am I like this? Is there something wrong with me?" No. There was nothing wrong, but because I had people give up on me, I thought there was. I tried to change. And you know what? I am more talkative than I used to be. I am actually more funny these days. I am more outgoing. But that's because I pushed myself. Sometimes-only sometimes, as an introvert, you have to get out of your own way. Same goes for an extrovert. There are downsides and character flaws to both. Neither is perfect, but we make the world go 'round, don't we?
So, if you meet me and you say, "You are so quiet!" This will probably happen: I will have a small half frown/half smiley face on and I will say something like "I know. I just need to get used to you." And that's the truth. When I first meet people, I am super quiet. It's because #1- I don't know you! #2-I need time to feel you out. I need time to know that you are worth my time and that you are ok with me being an introvert. To be completely honest, I don't have time for games. Either you like me or you don't. There will be times that we are riding in the car together, and I will not utter a word. It's mostly because I don't have anything to say. FOR REAL! LOL. I am not being rude. I am just someone who is comfortable in silence. I will try to have conversations, but if I feel like it's not going anywhere, I probably won't say much more. Either that, or I just have a lot on my mind. An introvert is always thinking. Like I said before, we don't always say what we feel or are thinking, but know that the wheels are usually turning. Another thing could be that I have gone to the blank spot in my brain. Yes. I do have one of those. Sometimes you just get tired of thinking and basically blank out. You're still there, but you are literally NOT thinking about anything. ALSO, if I am with you and you are a talker-I will probably shrink back. A lot of times, I find it hard to get words in, so I will usually say things like "Uh huh." "I know!" "Seriously!" "So true!" "Yes." Mmmmhmmmm." And then when you are quiet, if I have something to say, I will say it. We are very GOOD listeners. We are often able to pull something out of conversation that most people didn't even realize was said. We may not give the best advice, but we will always listen.

Also, we don't do well in big crowds. We prefer small settings where there isn't too many people and it's easier to talk to someone we don't know. I tend to shrink back and then in turn, not talk to anyone. This is not always a good thing. If I am invited to a big party or event, I always like to make sure there is someone there that I know. Otherwise, honestly, I get nervous. Oh yeah! We are not good at small talk. So this makes going to a big event even harder. I find myself struggling to come up with questions to ask people. So please don't think we are being rude. We are just not really sure what to say. And also, we are scoping out the environment. We have to make sure that's it's comfortable for us. Now this can be a good and a bad thing. Good thing because we want to make sure that we are at the right place at the right time, and bad because sometimes we just need to step out of our comfort zone. I LOVE getting to know new people, but please be aware of the fact that it is a struggle for me.It is literally taking a step in the dark. I sometimes avoid big events because of the above reasons. We also only have a few close friends and that's ok. Most of us know that that is all we need.

When we go to big events, we find that sometimes being around a lot of people can be overwhelming. So after that, we (when I say we, I mostly mean I, but I, in fact know, that most introverts do this) almost go into hiding. Being alone is a place of recharging. We need a minute, an hour, a day, a few days to just be alone. It's nothing against anyone, it's just that we cherish that time. It gives us time to think. Again. Don't think we are being rude. It's just how we are wired. Alone time is so sacred. Some people enjoy always being around people. Don't get me wrong, I do, but sometimes I just want to have time to myself.

We are also non-confrontational. I actually hate this about myself. Why? Because I have to work my way up to talk to someone about something they did that bothered me. BUT. I also love this about myself, because it gives me time to think about what I'm going to say. Trust me, you do not want me to say what I'm feeling when I'm angry. More than likely, I will hurt your feelings. I usually say things I don't mean when I'm mad and I have learned to keep my mouth shut until I have calmed down. he bad thing is that when I'm mad, everyone can feel it! Introverts are not good at hiding that! Hahhahaha. We are not always good at sharing how we feel. It takes time. I know I struggle with this and I have tried very hard over the years to become better an vocalizing things. It's not an easy journey, but we(I) know that it needs to happen.

These are just a couple of things that fall under being an introvert. I have found that people who really, truly want to be my friend, take the time to get to know me. They look past the fact that I am quiet. They realize that there are layers to me. When you get to know me, you slowly peel each one away. You come to realize that I will be SO loyal to you. When I love you, I love you hard. You come to realize that I am silly and sarcastic. I will feed you a one liner that will have you dying. You come to realize that once I know that I can trust you, I will share intimate details of my life with you- not just because I know I can trust you, but because I know you will be there for me and offer advice. All that said, usually introverts are worth coming to know. You just have to give them time. Trust me, it's worth it. =)