I'm not perfect.

I've been feeling like this entry has been building up inside of me for a while. So here goes nothing. Sorry if it doesn't make sense. Try to read through the lines. Or something.....
For 3 years now, I've felt like I'm being pruned. In a couple of days, it will be 3 years that I returned from doing a year long internship with Americorp in Washington, DC. MY plan...let me say that again, MY PLAN, was go move to New York City on a human services salary. I loved it there(still do) and wanted to move there with every fiber of my being. All of my friends were like "Why and how are you gonna live on that money?", but I ignored it and kept going. I applied for jobs for a little while and didn't get responses back. Within a few months, I felt like my heart was aching for DC. I had grown to love that city in ways that I didn't know until I left it. I went to visit some friends that were still living there to see if I for sure, for sure wanted to move back. And for sure, for sure I did.
I began to look for jobs and start the applying process. I didn't hear back from places, so I got discouraged. My applying started to lag and I was wondering if I was even meant to go back. But then I received like 3 different confirmations that I was. Somehow, I still lagged in the applying department. Fast forward and I thought I was moving back, but it didn't happen. (That's a story for another time.)

I know the reason that I haven't moved back yet is due to some of my own shortcomings. I also believe that in my still living where I am, God has taught me a lot.
For example...
I've been shown that money is no object when it comes to God. You can save and save and save until you're blue in the face, but the fact of the matter is that you will always have bills. If God wants you somewhere, He will provide, no matter what.

I have been taught that we ALL have shortcomings. We ALL have issues we are trying to resolve. For a time in my life, I always felt like I was the only one who had problems, who didn't have a perfect family, who didn't have enough money, etc, etc, etc. But I have seen that I am not the only one who isn't perfect and in that I have been able to help others in different ways. I have never been a super judgmental person, but I think I am even less judgmental than I was before. Because we never know what a person has gone through and we can't believe what we hear from others. It's important to hear from that person themselves.

I have learned to let more of my personality shine through. I have been known to be the quiet, serious one most of my life. As I'm growing, I've become more silly. It just gets to the point where you just have to not care about what others think and just be yourself. The ones who love you will stay and the ones who don't can kick rocks!

I have learned to let go of the drama. I don't think this one really needs an explanation. LOL.

I have learned to be more giving. (See 2 posts down.)

I have learned that there is a big difference between quality and quantity. When I was younger, I always wanted more friends. I wanted to be one of those people that knew everyone. But I've been blessed with friends who are AMAZING! I don't think I've ever been happier in life in that area. I don't have the largest group of friends, but the ones that I do have are loving, supportive, and willing to give me a smackdown when needed. AND, we have some of the best times I have ever had in life. Sometimes all you need is to just sit down and have stupid conversations about anything and everything in life. Laughter is the best.

I have learned that I can still be used by God, even though I have my own junk to deal with. God is so funny that way. I just can't explain it, but maybe I don't really care to, because God knows what He's doing.

I guess that's it for now. I guess I just wanted to share what was on my heart...maybe that if you're in some sort of wilderness, God can still use you and still talk to you. He's still there, even if it doesn't feel like it. Stay encouraged and try your best to be hopeful, b/c when you're going through tough times, there is something miraculous and amazing waiting for you. Maybe this will speak to someone. That is all!!!