As 26 fastly(I mean fast! Like tomorrow!) approaches me...

Yes, as you read, I turn 26 tomorrow! I can't believe it! Where did the time go? Now, I know some people are saying "GIRL! You are still young!" Yes, I know that. I still feel like I'm 21! I know I still have my youth and should cherish my 20's. I do. I really do. But, when I think back about where I've been, time has just seemed to pass me so quickly. So, in my 25th year of life, I've done some pondering, and a lot of it.I'm going to be real with some of my life struggles, so you should be happy you get to read this! I'm sure some of you, if not all you, can relate.

To start off:

1) I need a deadline to get ANYTHING done in my life. ANYTHING! Otherwise, I'm all like ladedadeda, while twiddling my thumbs. I am a procrastinator to the fullest! I am also lazy. If it were up to me, I would sleep till 12PM everyday, maybe go to work until 4 and then come home and watch TV. But that's not life. Life is not fair and we all have to deal with it. I will attempt to set my own personal goals and it just doesn't work. Which leads me to the next thing....

2) I lack motivation. Again, if it were up to me, I would sleep all the time. (It could be up to me if I wanted it to, but you and I both know that that's no way to live life.) I know that I know that I know that I want to do more things in life. What the heck is standing in my way? NOTHING! But I continue to be "comfortable" in life, even if I'm not happy. This is why I still work at a dental office.I make fairly decent money for someone in my position, but handling insurance payments and arguing with people about the money they owe(and then sending them to collections) only does so much for you in life. This is why I still live at home(It's not entirely bad, but DANG, there is ALWAYS somebody around! I like alone time- which I will get to later.) You get the idea.

3) I am "Miss Independent." Not like the Ne-Yo song(well, yes, like that, but that's not where I'm going.), but like the Kelly Clarkson song. You see, I was raised by women. My dad wasn't around, so my mom always taught me that you don't need a man to do everything for you.(Side note: We used to live w/ my grandmother, and when a lightbulb needed to be changed, she would want to call my uncle do it. My would be like "Are you kidding me? It's a LIGHTBULB.") Now, she is right, but it all depends on what kind of way are you coming across- Kinda like "Pshht! I don't need help carrying my 15 bags of groceries up the stairs, even though they are darn heavy and I live on 12th floor and my nice male neighbor who just happened to be coming in at the same time offered to help me." Now, I am not that bad, I would say "YES! Thank you, thank you, thank you!" But you understand where I'm coming from. I have always done things on my own and have learned to do a lot of stuff by myself. I don't ask for help when I should. Maybe I'm too proud? I have this one friend(I know you are reading!) who whenever we go to the grocery store together or what have you, she always take the bags. She is just being nice, and I'm all like "Hey, I got it!" One day she just said "Stop being Miss Independent!" and I totally shrunk back. I was like "Er.Um.OK." One time I was at the bus stop and had coffee in my hands when I realized that it was freezing out and that I should probably put my gloves on. I was trying to look for a place to set my coffee down, b/c well, it is rather difficult to put gloves on and hold coffee all at once. So this guy must've seen me struggling and he says to me "Do you need help?" and me LIKE AN IDIOT says "Oh no. I got it. Thank you." Now at that point I almost had both gloves on, so I really didn't need all the much help, but really I should I have just given him my coffee to hold while I put my gloves on. I felt pretty stupid after that, wishing I could have hit the rewind button on that one. So, all in all, I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with being independent. I feel that you need to know how to survive on your own before you get married. God forbid something happens to your husband and you have no idea how to even write a check. What are you gonna do then? All I'm saying is that you have to learn to let people help you and ASK for help when you truly need it. Now this doesn't mean that you need to go off and expect everyone to everything for you. I am learning to ask for help. I just never realized how hard it would be!

4) I don't always stick up for myself. Enough said. I am getting better, but there are times when I should just say something right then and there. You get the idea.

5) I like being alone.(Not all the time.) I find being alone refreshing. It gives me time to focus. Sometimes I just need to recharge myself. Now don't get me wrong, I LOVE being with people, but sometimes you just get sick of them, ya know?

6) I don't know how to save money. I spend it like I am rich. I am not rich. I am a slave to fashion. I love it and I like looking good. I pray to God all the time to PLEASE give me a husband that is excellent with money and will still let me look pretty and indulge in buying my children cute clothes. LOL.

7) I have good self esteem. It took me a long time to get here. God has truly healed me in this area of life, or at least I like to think so. I have gotten to the point that I only really care about the people who love me opinions. I am a beautiful young woman(I know that sounds conceited, but it's important to tell yourself in a good way.) And while I do get looks and interests from the opposite sex, I know I don't need that to validate how pretty I THINK I look.

8) I am funny! Do you know that for the longest time I wanted to be a funny person? It took my 20's to get there, but about 98% of my friends think I'm funny(which is almost contradicting #7, but it's not). I love making people laugh.

9) I am SO quiet and shy until I feel comfortable around you. I am trying SO hard to break out of my shell, but talking to strangers kind of terrifies me. I have never been the kind of person that will go up and introduce myself to someone I don't know. Like I said, I am trying to break out of my shell. Once I know you, I will start to show the real me. I guess it's kind of a trust thing, which is the next topic....

10) I will either trust you so fast or put up a huge wall that it will take a bomb for you to break it down before I start to trust you. I've had a lot of disappointments in my life and a lot of those came from trusting too easily. The wall is S L O W L Y coming down.

11) I am SO grateful for the people in my life. I don't always say so, but I have been blessed with some pretty awesome people and last but not least, God. What would I be without Him? He's the only one who's ever loved me enough to break down the walls. Sigh.

Anyway, that's enough personal stuff for tonight. Don't forget to wish me a happy birthday tomorrow! Birthdays are a big deal. It's celebrating someone's LIFE!

Until the next blog..........


Ohhhhh..... P.S. Can someone please tell me how I receive alerts that someone commented on my blog or is following, etc, etc? Thanks!!!