When you are an introvert...

Ever since I was a little girl, I always heard these words: "You are SO quiet." And for the longest, it annoyed the heck out of me. In fact, it still does sometimes. Part of that was because I couldn't actually really understand why I was so quiet. In middle school, I remember making a vow to myself to be louder. And I was. I was proud of myself, but looking back, I realize it wasn't me. You see, I was fashioned to be a thinker, a contemplater(is that even a word?), someone who doesn't always say what she feels(and sometimes, TRUST ME! THAT is a good thing!!!). It took me yeaaaarrrrssssss to finally see this in myself. It wasn't until I was 23 and did an americorp year in DC and was thrown in a house with 4 other people that I didn't know from Adam. It was there that I learned that I am who I am. For so long, I thought "Why can't be more outgoing, more funny, more talkative like so and so? Why am I like this? Is there something wrong with me?" No. There was nothing wrong, but because I had people give up on me, I thought there was. I tried to change. And you know what? I am more talkative than I used to be. I am actually more funny these days. I am more outgoing. But that's because I pushed myself. Sometimes-only sometimes, as an introvert, you have to get out of your own way. Same goes for an extrovert. There are downsides and character flaws to both. Neither is perfect, but we make the world go 'round, don't we?
So, if you meet me and you say, "You are so quiet!" This will probably happen: I will have a small half frown/half smiley face on and I will say something like "I know. I just need to get used to you." And that's the truth. When I first meet people, I am super quiet. It's because #1- I don't know you! #2-I need time to feel you out. I need time to know that you are worth my time and that you are ok with me being an introvert. To be completely honest, I don't have time for games. Either you like me or you don't. There will be times that we are riding in the car together, and I will not utter a word. It's mostly because I don't have anything to say. FOR REAL! LOL. I am not being rude. I am just someone who is comfortable in silence. I will try to have conversations, but if I feel like it's not going anywhere, I probably won't say much more. Either that, or I just have a lot on my mind. An introvert is always thinking. Like I said before, we don't always say what we feel or are thinking, but know that the wheels are usually turning. Another thing could be that I have gone to the blank spot in my brain. Yes. I do have one of those. Sometimes you just get tired of thinking and basically blank out. You're still there, but you are literally NOT thinking about anything. ALSO, if I am with you and you are a talker-I will probably shrink back. A lot of times, I find it hard to get words in, so I will usually say things like "Uh huh." "I know!" "Seriously!" "So true!" "Yes." Mmmmhmmmm." And then when you are quiet, if I have something to say, I will say it. We are very GOOD listeners. We are often able to pull something out of conversation that most people didn't even realize was said. We may not give the best advice, but we will always listen.

Also, we don't do well in big crowds. We prefer small settings where there isn't too many people and it's easier to talk to someone we don't know. I tend to shrink back and then in turn, not talk to anyone. This is not always a good thing. If I am invited to a big party or event, I always like to make sure there is someone there that I know. Otherwise, honestly, I get nervous. Oh yeah! We are not good at small talk. So this makes going to a big event even harder. I find myself struggling to come up with questions to ask people. So please don't think we are being rude. We are just not really sure what to say. And also, we are scoping out the environment. We have to make sure that's it's comfortable for us. Now this can be a good and a bad thing. Good thing because we want to make sure that we are at the right place at the right time, and bad because sometimes we just need to step out of our comfort zone. I LOVE getting to know new people, but please be aware of the fact that it is a struggle for me.It is literally taking a step in the dark. I sometimes avoid big events because of the above reasons. We also only have a few close friends and that's ok. Most of us know that that is all we need.

When we go to big events, we find that sometimes being around a lot of people can be overwhelming. So after that, we (when I say we, I mostly mean I, but I, in fact know, that most introverts do this) almost go into hiding. Being alone is a place of recharging. We need a minute, an hour, a day, a few days to just be alone. It's nothing against anyone, it's just that we cherish that time. It gives us time to think. Again. Don't think we are being rude. It's just how we are wired. Alone time is so sacred. Some people enjoy always being around people. Don't get me wrong, I do, but sometimes I just want to have time to myself.

We are also non-confrontational. I actually hate this about myself. Why? Because I have to work my way up to talk to someone about something they did that bothered me. BUT. I also love this about myself, because it gives me time to think about what I'm going to say. Trust me, you do not want me to say what I'm feeling when I'm angry. More than likely, I will hurt your feelings. I usually say things I don't mean when I'm mad and I have learned to keep my mouth shut until I have calmed down. he bad thing is that when I'm mad, everyone can feel it! Introverts are not good at hiding that! Hahhahaha. We are not always good at sharing how we feel. It takes time. I know I struggle with this and I have tried very hard over the years to become better an vocalizing things. It's not an easy journey, but we(I) know that it needs to happen.

These are just a couple of things that fall under being an introvert. I have found that people who really, truly want to be my friend, take the time to get to know me. They look past the fact that I am quiet. They realize that there are layers to me. When you get to know me, you slowly peel each one away. You come to realize that I will be SO loyal to you. When I love you, I love you hard. You come to realize that I am silly and sarcastic. I will feed you a one liner that will have you dying. You come to realize that once I know that I can trust you, I will share intimate details of my life with you- not just because I know I can trust you, but because I know you will be there for me and offer advice. All that said, usually introverts are worth coming to know. You just have to give them time. Trust me, it's worth it. =)

That time I went skydiving...

Do you have a bucket list? A list of things you want to accomplish before your time on earth is done? I have a few. For example, I'd like to go to Italy, I want to drive a Hummer, I want learn how to do makeup professionally. These are just a few things on the list. This past October, I had the opportunity to cross something off-Skydiving. I have had the desire to do it for a few years-just didn't know when or where or how. SO-I made a promise to myself that I would do it before I turned 30. Skydiving is not a cheap thing, so I knew that if I wanted to go, I needed to save my money. I started to do so somewhere around December 2011, putting away a couple dollars here and there. And then! Finally! I had enough. I scheduled a date for Saturday, October 6, 2012 with my friend, Rachael.
Let me tell you, if you ever decide to do this, you are going to have people coming at you with all kinds of opinions.
I got some of these:
"You're crazy." (I know!)
"You're going to die." (Hey, if I do, at least I was doing something fun!)
"Do you have a death wish?" (Nope! See above answer.)
"I'm worried(That you're going to die.)" (Don't be worried. See above answer.)
"Do you value life?" (ACTUALLY! YES! I do. I want to take advantage of all the amazing opportunities that are available to me. Jumping out of a plane is one of them. You only get but one life.)
"Wow. You're adventurous."-Said in a sarcastic tone.(WHY THANK YOU! I THINK SO TOO!)

And then you will get those people that are so excited for you and will say things like this!
"I'm so excited for you!" (Thank you! I'm excited too!)
"I bet you're gonna love it!" (I know I will! (And I did!))
"You are just...amazing." (Awwwwwwww! You know how to touch my heart!)
"Wow! You're adventurous!"-This time said in a really excited, encouraging tone.(Thanks!-Said with a super cheesy face!)

I took all comments in stride and went on my merry way-counting down to the big day, posting randomly on facebook so that EVERYBODY knew. =) If I was going to do something so big, I wanted the whole world to know! (BTW, if you're going to do this, tell your mom ahead of time. No, for real. Unless you know your mom is going to freak out. I didn't tell my mom b/c I thought she would freak about #1)about the money #2)about me doing something life threatening. So, I told her the day before. She was all "What if I wanted to come watch!!!!!" and then I felt really guilty. She had a hair appointment that she didn't want to reshcedule. I told her that she should reschedule b/c it wasn't like this was something I did every day. She later decided that it probably would not be good for her nerves, especially if I fell to my death. (I know!) So,I have made a promise to myself that if I ever decide to do something like that again, I will tell her ahead of time!)

The day came and I had everybody wishing me good luck, telling me to be careful, have fun, etc, etc. We drove up with our other friend, Crystal, who came to watch and document the before and after. It took us well over an hour to get there and the whole time, I was thinking "HOLY CRAP! I'M REALLY DOING THIS! OMG, I'M SO EXCITED!" I won't bore you with the whole preparation process, but let's just say it went faster than I though as we were told that we may have to wait hours and hours. The sky was blue and the sun was shining and we were ready to go! They took us up in this little plane, where you could feel it every time we ascended higher and higher. The higher we got, the more nervous I felt. I know myself and I knew I was going to react this way. I kept telling myself "THERE'S NO GOING BACK!" A couple of skydiving students jumped out before me and all I could think was whaaaatttt theeee heccckkk since I guess they were trying to show off or something by doing flips as they jumped out. My instructor told me what do and then we were ready to go. There's no way to really prepare yourself for jumping out of a plane, so what I did was scream. Lots of holy craps came out of my mouth. The guy who took the pictures and did the video(Yes, they're coming!) said I was quite the screamer. LOL! Anyway, while I was descending, it was terrifying. And then incredible. At first, you realize that you just jumped out of a plane at over 2 miles in the air(which is over 14,000 feet.) and you're about to pee yourself. And you're thinking "Wow. The wind is intense up here. Is my face gonna blow off?" And then you tell yourself to calm down and enjoy the ride. The sky at that level is indescribable. I love clouds, but this was different. It was like an open heaven. Or at least a small view of what heaven may be like. At this point, I was cheesin! I also couldn't believe it was happening, that I was actually doing it. Then, the parachute was pulled. Even the floating down was incredible. I could see all of the pretty tree tops changing into fall colors. I could see a river. I could see houses. It was almost like the view you have as you're in a plane, landing.

Annndddddd, that's pretty much it! You blink and then it's over. It was amazing! My instructor was great and kind, telling me every single move he was going to make. At the end, he ask me to sign his "book of jumpers." I thought that was so great. If I ever go again, I hope I get to have him again. If you ever have the opportunity to go, PLEASE jump on it. I promise you that you won't regret it. My friend pointed out to me that this must have opened a lot of doors for me- not only literally, but spiritually too. Skydiving is literally a metaphor for following God. Sometimes, we are called to take risks in life, and we have to have an enormous amount of faith. So, instructor=God, skydiving=risk. Even if you're screaming the whole way. ;)

Also, you can also check out my crazy self skydiving:
(Don't mind my crazy hair. I didnt realize how whack it looked that day.)




ANNNDDDDDDD last but not least, my friend Faith wrote about me on her blog!!
I am still so honored that I was able to be apart of it. You can find the entry here.
Faith writes about everything, so please take the time to check her out! I would greatly appreciate it!!

Until the next entry!

Crockpoty Time

As you know, I like to cook. I always wanted to own a crockpot, but honestly, I was a little intimidated by it. So last year, on black Friday, there were some on sale for I think $10(or maybe it was $20?) at Wal-Mart. I snagged one up. I put it in my "future home" pile, honestly not expecting to use it. But then I found a really great autumn spice punch recipe.(I will post that another time.) It came out so good that I knew that if I could rock something so simple as a punch in a crockpot that maybe, just maybe, I could rock a meal in there too.
I started googling recipes. I started off with chicken. Frankly beacause chicken and I have a very strong relationship with each other. That, and I wanted to start off with something a little bit easy. I found this recipe. I'm giving you the link because I want to give credit where it's due. And, I don't want the internet police chasing after me saying I stole somebody's recipe. I try to be an honest girl!
Anywho. Let's get this party started!
The recipes goes like so:

Ingredients:

-4-6 boneless, skinless, chicken breasts (I had 3 large ones, so I cut them all in half.)
-2 14.5 oz. cans diced or crushed tomatoes.(I didn't have any of those, I so sauteed some fresh tomatoes in olive oil with some adobo, cumin, and pepper sprinkled on top. Plus, you're not eating all that salt that comes with the canned ones!)

-1 onion thinly sliced (I used red.)
-4 cloves of garlic(Ok people, if you know me at all, you know that I am a garlic fiend. I always use double what the recipes calls for. Sometimes even more. So, if you don't like that much garlic, just go with the 4.)
-1/2 cup balsamic vinegar
-2 tablespoons olive oil
-1 teaspoon dried oregano
-1 teaspoon dried basil (I also added some fresh basil.)
-1 teaspoon rosemary
-1/2 teaspoon thyme
-Salt and pepper to taste

Directions:
1)Pour olive oil in the bottom of the pot.
2)Salt and pepper the chicken. Place it in.
3) Put the sliced onion on top.

4)Then place the dried herbs and garlic.

It's starting to look scrumptious, isn't it!!

5) Pour the vinegar and add the tomatoes.
(I then added some fresh basil in there. I also discovered that the original poster used olives and mushrooms. I love those 2 things as well! I didn't have any mushrooms, but I certainly had olives! MMMMMMM!)

Cook on high for 3 hours or on low for 4-6 hours.

I CAN'T WAIT TO EAT YOU!!!

So here's the masterpiece cooking:

I cooked it for about 4, 4 1/2 hours. Here's the finished results. I served it over pasta as recommended.

The result? Good. The flavors were excellent. The chicken was a tad dry. So. Next time, I will have to play around with it. I'm still new to the crockpot thing. But. As far as I'm concerned, I did a pretty decent job. I welcome all suggestions. AND I hope that maybe you found a new recipe to try. I think I'd like to try to use this a marinade too. Here's to cooking and trying new things!

Peace of mind.

HEEEYYYYYYYY! I'm back! Did you miss me??????? I know you did. I'm really tired at the moment, but I figured it was time to crank out a new post. Ready? Here it goes... A few months to a year ago, I noticed that a freckle on my leg had gotten bigger and darker. I didn't really do much about it. When I realized it was not going to change, not going to get smaller, I figured it was time to get it checked out. I'm one who tries to take care of her skin. I haven't been blessed in the beautiful skin department, but I make an effort to try to treat it well. I was also born with pale ghost skin, so I make sure that I use sunscreen, even down to my moisturizers having SPF in them. I had an appointment already scheduled with my dermatologist, so I figured I would just bring it up. She told me that when patients tell her that something about their skin has changed, she believes them. She also told me that past age 21, it's time to start taking random spots seriously. So. She took out a small chunk of my leg to do a biopsy. It didn't really hit me that I actually had a biopsy done until I saw the gaping wound left over in my leg. I have a high pain tolerance, but I don't do well with blood and wounds. They make me queasy. I was ok, but then the "Oh Crap" thoughts came into my head. I could have cancer. I normally will tell my friends to keep me in their prayers when things like this come about, but this time I decided not to. The last thing I ever want to have to do is smack somebody across the face with the "Guys, I have to tell you something. I have cancer." speech. NEVER EVER. If any of my friends told me that they have cancer, I would be an emotional mess. I kept it to myself and waited for the results. You know what? Even though I had a few thoughts of the "oh crap", I was incredibly calm. I can't really explain it. Maybe b/c I knew that no matter what, I would be ok. That if I did end up having cancer, I'd have a support system. And that if I didn't have cancer, I'd have people thanking God for my wellness. Most importantly, I knew that God had me in His hands no matter what. A week and half passed and I called the office to find out my results, as instructed. They put me on hold and I held my breath. The receptionist came back on the line and said "You results were perfectly normal. Just a regular mole." I thanked her and hung up and then thanked God for keeping me well. I'm not sure why this little annoyance happened it my life, but maybe it was a reminder to always be thankful for being healthy. Or even a reminder to trust God and remember that He has everything under control, even if it may seem out of OUR plans. B/c remember, all things work together for our good. If you're a friend and you know me in real life, don't take offense to me not telling you. I kinda just felt like it was something I needed to keep to myself unless it was serious. I hope you can respect that. If you're mad, just think about the ugly scar I'm gonna have on my leg from the biopsy. That's your payback. =) AND OH YEAH!!! People, pay close attention to your skin. You just never know. And ALWAYS WEAR SUNSCREEN!!! I don't care how dark you are. I have an excuse b/c I'm freaking a quarter polish, but seriously- wear it. We all need it. Skin cancer is not racist.

The Daniel Fast 2012

Every year my church does a fast called the Daniel Fast. I never really did, b/c honestly, I didn't think I could. No meats and sweets and dairy and bread for 21 days? Oh hhhhhhhhhhh no! But come 2012, I thought I would give it a try. I've been known for not keeping up with things and I figured this was the perfect start to turn myself around. If you don't know about the fast, you can read about it here, I won't go into detail, b/c well, I just don't want to bore you. My interpretation of it is regaining your focus as you go into the new year- almost like a resolution, which I am also bad at. But that is a story for another day.

Most people start the fast on January 1st and end on January 21st. Some do the strict regimen and some alter it and fast certain things, while still eating others. Some fast facebook or TV or the internet or other technological distractions. I decided to start mine on the 2nd as I was still celebrating New Yr's on, you know, New Yr's. I was going to have as many m&m's and bacon as I could before starting this thing. I decided to fast meats, sweets, and bread related things.
So I started out pretty good. I didn't have coffee. I didn't have chocolate. I didn't have meat, etc, etc, etc. The problem was that I started feeling sickly right before New Yr's eve and I developed a pretty bad cold. I couldn't breathe and my sinuses felt like someone was stabbing 8,000 large knives in them. My mom made chicken soup and how could I say no to that when I felt like a truck had run me over? And then I had pizza. And I felt pretty bad for screwing up, but I figured I probably wasn't the only one messing up. This was my first time doing the fast, so I cut myself a little slack. Even though I was sick, I still managed to keep up with itand once I felt better, I made more of an effort to follow the rules.

The fast proved to be much harder than I thought it would be. Going shopping for food became a daunting task. Even though I normally check out the ingredients and contents in food, I had to go an extra step to make sure there wasn't any sugar in something. Do you know how much sugar is put into products? It's not even needed! I seriously thought I was going to go crazy for 21 days, but...something told me I could do this. That there are harder things in life. That when it comes to discipline, it doesn't always come easy. I stuck to eating salad(if you know me, you know I make a pretty sick salad!), soup, rice and beans, oatmeal, fruits and veggies, you know... It wasn't completely different from my regular diet, but it wasn't like I could eat a nutella sandwich or grab a cup of coffee whenever I felt like it. But then there was that day at work that when my boss bought us a new coffee maker and we got coffee as a Christmas gift from one of our associates and, and, and, I had a cup of coffee! Oh the horror! Don't judge me! I felt guilty and promised myself it wouldn't happen again. But then, it happened again and then again. So, I let myself have one cup a week while I was on the fast. Pretty sure I was bending the rules to let myself get away with things. Not saying it's right- so make sure your kids don't read this!

Also, I think there's something that the Daniel fast people forgot about- that 1 week(or sometimes 2) when a woman goes crazy. You know, when she wants to eat basically every kind of junk food ever made and she's pretty sure that even if it's a house full of food, she can still eat it all. You know, that pesky "aunt" with the initials P.M.S that comes to stay with you every month. I think they forgot about that. I experienced this the very last week of my fast. Let me say, it made things 10978156981641 times more difficult. Oh. I probably didn't tell you that I'm pretty comfortable talking about my period. Yes. If you're uncomfortable reading this, I suggest you leave now. In fact, just don't come back to my page. Ever. B/c I will probably have more posts in which I talk about my period. So, do leave if you can't handle it. I'll give you a few minutes. Still here? Ok. Good. As I was saying...I wanted ice cream. I wanted chocolate. I wanted coffee with almond joy creamer. I wanted bacon. I was ready to raid the grocery store and just eat everything right then and there. You think I'm lying? I'm not. Periods make women crazy. Crazy enough to eat ice cream out of the carton with pieces of bacon hanging out of their mouth. Yes. It's a wild scene, but we just don't care. Feed us what we want and we'll be happy. And even then, we can't promise that we'll be totally satisfied. So yeah, imagine that craving is happening to you and you can't do a single thing about it. Nope. Not one thing. You almost think that shooting yourself would be a better option.(Totally kidding.) I don't know how I did it, but somehow I managed to stick it out one more week. When it was finished, I had my friends over to celebrate. We had cupcakes, candy, and BACON!!! It was a good night.

If I learned anything while on this fast, it was to really watch what I ingest and that I can eat healthier. My knowledge of all the junk that is put into food was increased tremendously. I was reminded that I can do anything I put my mind to with discipline and perseverance AND that I am human and I will make mistakes. Through it all, all I could do was laugh. Kinda like life. =)

Love...

This is a response I wrote to an article that was posted in my college's newspaper back in 2005(I think).
It's funny how I was just going through my email drafts and this was in there. I think that's when I was just starting to realize that loving is a good way to reach people. I have to say I'm quite proud of my 21 year old brain.
I'm sure I'll get mixed reviews on this. Should you choose to respond, please choose your words carefully. Your comment will be deleted if you get defensive, or offensive, or just downright stupid.

"I would like to respond to the articles put in the February 22 edition of the news paper, titled "Anti-gay sentiment on campus" and "Crusade against Campus Crusade." As a former campus crusade member, I was completely appalled at some of the words that were harshly spoken spoken to these people. No wonder why why people generalize christians to be such bad, hypocritical people! But, let it be know that you shouldn't have to generalize all christians and perceive them to be such evil people based on one experience.

Being raised a christian most of my life, and having my own personal relationship with God, I have always been taught that you are to be loving towards all people, regardless of their race, social status, sexual preference, etc. While I may not agree with homosexuality, I will never ever judge a person because of that. A few of my friends are lesbians and they know of my beliefs and convictions, but due to the fact that I don't judge them for it, we continue to be friends. You see, I never see it my place to judge anyone. I don't place myself on some kind of pedestool just because I'm a christian. I don't think I'm any better than you. I also don't find it right to go around preaching at people, interrupting their conversations, telling them that they're gonna go to hell if they don't become a christian right this second. Nobody is even going to want to be your friend, none the less become a christian, if someone acts that way towards them.

Let me also say that christians shouldn't have to be stuck into one category, because of one person's experience. Not all of us are the same. Not all of us are hypocritical. Not all of us have demeaning characters. Not all of us attack people with our beliefs. And because of that, I ask you to respect and not judge those of us who are not like that. I am one of those people who is friendly and non judgmental. I would never force my religion on anyone. That's just not who I am.

What I believe in is not a fairy tale. It's very real to me. I'm sure that there are things in everyone's lives that are real to them; does that give you the right to call it a fairy tale? I wouldn't call what you believe in a fairytale. I may not agree with it, but I certainly have no right to call it that. I don't hide behind my bible and I don't prey on people and make them my targets. I believe that we all have faults, christian or no christian. Which, again, is why I make no claims to be better than anyone."
Don't remember if I wrote anymore after that, but that was my heart. Still is.

Me? Nooooo.

On February 8, 2011, 10 days before my 27th birthday, I got a caramel macchiato(did I spell that right?) from Starbucks. It's my favorite drink. I think I would do backflips and a song and dance if I could get one for free. When I get coffee and bring it to work, it takes me pretty much the whole morning to drink it. No lie. Probably b/c my hands are so occupied doing other things, like answering the phone and typing semi important business proposals. Ok. I don't type business proposals. I type letters that threaten collections to people if they don't pay their bill. So I was at work on that lovely, cold February day sipping on my macchiato when all of a sudden I feel this strange pressure in my chest. And then I felt it go down my left arm. And then I thought "OMG I AM JUST 10 DAYS SHORT OF 27 AND I AM HAVING A HEART ATTACK! OMG. I AM TOO YOUNG TO HAVE A HEART ATTACK. OMG I AM GOING TO DIE."
Overdramatic? No. Not really. I think those thoughts were rational. I decided I wasn't going to make a big deal and threw the coffee away. The pressure slowly let up and I chalked it up to the fact that it was the espresso in the coffee. But as the day went on, I felt worse. Then on my way home from work, I had another episode, this time with shortness of breath. Again, my thoughts were: "OMG I AM JUST 10 DAYS SHORT OF TURNING 27 AND I HAVING A HEART ATTACK. OMG. I AM TOO YOUNG TO HAVE A HEART ATTACK. OMG. I AM GOING TO DIE." I arrived home and tried to calm down, telling myself that it was nothing. But, there was a small voice in the back of my head telling me that I should probably get checked out. I decided to tell my mom. She yelled at me for telling her so late in the night and that if we went to the emergency room then, we would have been waiting for hours on end. I decided to wait until the next morning to see how I felt and would then make a final decision on if I should go to the E.R.
Morning arrived and I woke up still feeling the pressure and occasional shortness of breath. I then decided it was best to go to the E.R. They pretty much took me in right away. They did an E.K.G. and brought me to a different area while I waited for the results. I had several thoughts going through my head, the most prominent ones being "How the heck am I going to react if I had a heart attack so young? Is my life about to take a turn for the worse? I know I don't always exactly eat right, but I am fairly healthy, so why is this happening?" The E.K.G came back normal. A nurse then came and asked me 8,000 questions
N:"Do you have history of heart attacks or heart problems in your family?"
Me:"My grandparents, but they are much older. My sister had some issues, my mom has a heart murmur, but other than that, no."
N:"Do you have panic attacks?"
Me: "No."
N: "Are you depressed?" (My thought was: "This isn't a psychiatric ward!" But I guess it was necessary.)
Me: "No."
And so on and so forth about my medical history. Then she took some blood. And then we waited. And waited. And waited. At some point, they asked me for a urine sample. It's always fun trying to pee in a cup. When you're a girl. But I braved it like a champ. And we waited. And waited. And waited. I had a P.A. come and ask me the same questions. And then a doctor. The doctor tapped into one thing that the P.A. seemed to have forgotten-the fact that I was considered borderline anemic, even though my iron levels had been recently pretty under control. I thought we were finally getting somewhere, but nope, more waiting. I guess when they discover that your case isn't that serious, they like to leave you hanging. So, I was in the E.R. for probably over 4 hours. It was fun. I hope to do it again. Just kidding. They told me that nothing was wrong and that if I still had problems, to visit my primary doctor and they would hook me up with a 24 hour monitor to test my heart's frequencies and what not.
I thought I was ok, but then I was still having symptoms. I met with the doctor and she felt that the hospital did a good workup, but was willing to give me the monitor to make sure that I wasn't dying. She didn't say that, but that's how I felt. So about a week later, I got the monitor. I had all these little sensors attached to me and it felt like I was carrying around a cell phone from 1990. I had to keep a small diary if I felt any symptoms or anything out of the ordinary.
Then the results came back.
And I was just fine.
At this point, I was extremely frustrated b/c I was still feeling crappy, I couldn't have coffee(oh yeah...I didn't drink coffee for a month. They told me to lay off the caffeine until they figured out what was wrong.), and all kind of thoughts were going through my head. I was happy that I was ok, but still wanted answers. The doctor referred me to a pulminologist b/c they thought that maybe there was an issue with my lungs that was causing the pressure. Their results came back fine. I met with my primary again and was then referred to a cardiologist. And I was still just fine. At this point, there were really no other doctors that I could go see. We had pretty much exhausted all efforts. I had done every google search possible to see if maybe the doctors were wrong, but they basically all said what the doctors had said.

So. I decided to let it be and give it up to God. I asked the people that were praying for me to still continue to keep me in their prayers. Looking back at it, the only thing it really could have been was that I was stressed. I was stressed and it was effecting me internally. I had things going on that I won't discuss here, but I didn't think it was that serious. Apparently, it might have been. All I can really do is thank God that I really didn't have a heart attack a few days before I turned 27. I think it was a sign that maybe I should better listen to my body.
If you get anything from this post, I would hope it would be this: that when you have something going on and you can't forsee the outcome/future, you have to fully rely and trust on God. I know that I know that I know it's hard, but you gotta do it. In every area of life. And the other thing would be to stay healthy. I also know that's super hard. I have a sweet tooth. I like all things bad for you. While you're still here on earth, try to eat everything in moderation. Listen to your body as much as you can. It will tell you when something is wrong. Be good to yourself.
That's all. I don't know why I felt compelled to share this story, so I just did. =)